Mike Chitwood

Mike Chitwood, a.k.a. Kike Shitwood, is a former [[Florida]] sheriff turned full-time [[Internet police]] Gestapo man with a hate-boner for those [[4chan]] [[trolls]]. He voted for [[Kamala Harris]] in 2024 solely because he liked her tough-on-crime fear-mongering. He is a notable [[snowflake]] who launches into violent hissy fits in response to any criticism of his retarded bullshit, all while hypocritically accusing his enemies of the same actions. Shitwood is a bully, a coward and a tyrant. All he knows how to do is insult and threaten people while [[attention whoring]] in the sensationalist local news media (looking at YOU, Fox 35 Orlando!). What separates him from most of the casuals is his intense sexual fetish for actually sending people who offend him to jail. Shitwood is basically a liberal version of the equally nasty blowhard Grady Judd and the creepy pervert Wayne Ivey. All Florida sheriffs are the modern Gestapo, along with the pigs with badges in [[Sylvester Stallone|Tulsa]]. Like his allies in Tulsa, Shitwood regularly sends his steroid-juiced stormtroopers (aka deputies) to violently arrest and summarily execute people for fake phony invented victimless "crimes" such as [[bullshit|"jaywalking"]], "loitering", walking dogs on beaches, and pouring out coffee, all while engaging in performative douchebaggery on bodycam videos to share with bootlicking sycophants on JewTube. He is also a stupid [expletive] censorship-loving [expletive] who won't say any [expletive] bad words publicly. So much for freedom of speech!

Chitwood declares war on 4chan

Beginning in [[2023]], Mike Chitwood rose to e-prominence by targeting users of [[4chan]]. It all started when the [[Goyim Defense League]] trolled the Daytona International Speedway by hanging [[funny|antisemitic]] banners over it, causing Mike Chitwood to dis them, causing 4chan nazis to post about their fantasies to kill him (in Minecraft, of course), causing many of them to get arrested and extradited to Florida so they could ride down the escalator of shame at the Florida airport where Chitwood could greet them personally at the bottom because Chitwood is a greedy motherfucker who must always get the last laugh. In fact, you don’t even need to necessarily threaten Chitwood's life to get on his shitlist; people like [[Richard Golden]] only suggested somebody should kill Mike Chitwood (in a video game no less) and still got a year's worth of jail time. In an act of hypocrisy, Shitwood is trying to execute people who even criticise him. Ultimately, Mike Chitwood hates freedom of speech with a burning passion and views it as essential to crush the First Amendment because it allegedly allowed shit like the [[Payton Gendron|Buffalo Supermarket Shooting]] to happen. Shitwood supports amnesty for [[Mexico|illegal aliens]], all because he gets even richer locking them up and deporting them.

Chitwood goes after the kids

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Sometime in 2018, Chitwood began arresting and perp-walking kids for posting [[school shooting]] threats online. The department also made sure to release their face [[dox]]es and [[powerword]]s as a form of punishment through public humiliation via their “Naming and Shaming” policy; forever screwing up their future prospects just for sharing [[edgy]] [[memes]] online or having a dark and sordid sense of humor. Maybe Shitwood is jealous because he has no sense of humour at all. His hatred of free speech caused much butthurt among [[free speech]] advocates and [[libertarians]], although "tough on crime" extremists like Shitwood and his bootlickers view his extreme [[Iran]]-esque tactics as somehow normal because fuck [[pussies|human rights]].

Since Shitwood and company gleefully released these kids' information to the public, we might as well cover some of them with their mugshots to boot as certificates of their badassery:

:see also: [[High Score#Absolute Fucking Failures]]

*Carlo "Kingston" Dorelli (11), Creekside Middle School
Jokingly showed off his arsenal of air soft guns, knives, swords and a hit list to his classmates through FaceTime calls, leading to his arrest on Sept. 16, 2024. Ironically, it was another 11-year-old boy that ratted him out who was involved in similar activities. Fucking snitches.
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*Trinity Mack & Brayden Severance (17 & 16), T. Dewitt Taylor Middle-High
Shortly after their school broadcasted an announcement warning students that all threats would be taken seriously (too seriously if you ask me) and could lead to arrest, Trinity posted a picture of her school laptop on [[Snapchat]] captioned with “Imma shoot up the school”, Brayden commented “Same”, then they were both arrested on Sep. 18, 2024.

Perp walk video: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=505488772279311&vanity=sheriffchitwood&http_ref=eyJ0cyI6MTc2OTAzNjYxOTAwMCwiciI6Imh0dHBzOlwvXC93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbVwvIn0%3D

*Kamden Taylor (13), Riverview Learning Center
Arrested TWICE. Once on Sept. 27, 2024, for making a threat against somebody through his [[PlayStation]] and again in Feb. 6, 2025, because the AI overlords detected something he wrote on his school computer.
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Hopefully, this gives you an idea of how absolutely minute some of these kids' offenses were and how Orwellian the justice response to it is.

And here's the rest of them:

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Onideus Mad Hatter Saves The Kids

Some time in 2025, the ever-prevalent [[lolcow]], [[Onideus Mad Hatter]], came to prominence once again after sending a death threat (if we are to use the word “threat” loosely) to Mike Chitwood and getting the whole escalator of shame treatment as a result of it. Apparently Mr. Onideus had the balls to criticise Shitwood's violent abuse of these children at taxpayer expense because their mugshots were being sourced into the paedo Wayne Ivey's [[AI art|AI-generated child pornography]] or something like that.

Gallery of Shitwood's hypocrisy

[Gallery content]

See Also

*[[Joe Lieberman]] - a politician arguably even more Jewey and anti-lulz than Chitwood is. He wants you arrested just for being [[Goth]] or playing [[DOOM]]. The good news is Lie-burman is burning in hell where he belongs.
*[[Grady Judd]] - an even more violent version of Shitwood with an even bigger ego and equally obnoxious cult of personality known for stupid cringe propaganda videos. The only difference is Judd targets [[niggers]] and [[spics]].
*[[Onideus Mad Hatter]] - One of his victims.
*[[Richard Golden]] - Another one of his victims.
*[[Houston]] - Home of many Shitwood copycats, from John Whitmire (aka Shitfire) to David Fleischer (who is also a paedo).
*[[Mahathir bin Mohamad]] - [[muzzie]] version of Shitwood
*[[The Simpsons]] - Where Shitwood belongs
*[[VPN]] - So Shitwood and his fellow surveillance state actors cannot monitor you searching up [[pr0ns]] as easily.

External Links so you can troll the fucker

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